Well, I left my last post up so that I could come back and read it over, when I needed a confidence boost. It helped. I'm still not 100% but I realize my age will effect my training. I'll have to go a bit slower and thats ok.
Technique is the key for me. I need to just slow down and learn the perfect way to do things.
Today is my 14th wedding anniversary! I love my wife very much.

Just got back from the dojo.
The shin guards are much easier to get off if I leave my socks on.
I rolled my ankle right at the start of the sparring today. I broke that ankle many years ago while laboring for some bricklayers. Jumped off a scaffold and it poped, then swelled up real bad, turned all kinds of colors. I couldnt work for weeks or afford to go to a doctor. Its not nearly that bad this time though. I have it elevated, wrapped in ice and I took some ibuprofen.
back hurts, blister, ankle, bla ,f**kin bla. I'm sick of it and its pissin me off so heres the deal:
Calvin Coolidge said;
"Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not, nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not, unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not, the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'press on' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race."
This is also the very spirit of the martial art, Ninjutsu. "The way of the ninja is the way of enduring, surviving, and prevailing over all that would destroy one."
"The vast universe, beautiful in its coldly impersonal totality, contains all that we call good and bad, all the answers for all the paradoxes we see around us. Relying on keen perception and attuned awareness, the ninja can responsively follow the subtle seasons and reasons of heaven, altering just as change is necessary, adapting always, so that in the end, regardless of the infinite changes, there is no such thing as surprise for the ninja." -33rd Grandmaster Takamatsu
I am determined to continue expanding this philosophy in my life, no matter what. Thats it. Now, I'm going to go do some pull-ups.

To much to write about. Another great day with the kick boxing and grappling. Ive been thinking how I could get around to someones back when they are on top. The guy I was wrestling with today outweighed me by about 80lbs. I'm not sure it will work on someone my size or more experienced but I did it. I trapped the arm and his whole side is open for me so I reach around his back, get a grip, release my legs and pull myself right on around. I tried it a second time and it didnt work so well. I got his back again but man he's strong. He just laid down on me and muscled his way around to face me again, on top, mashing my air out. Then the bell rang, the wonderful bell that means we can stop, for a minute.
The tattoo guy says it will take two weeks to heal so thats out for now.
Got my own boxing gloves and shin guards today, what with all the staff MRSA monkey pox whatever going around. Man those shin guards are mean to get out of. I think that was one of the hardest things I did today.
Got a blister on the ball of my foot today. I hope it doesnt get to be a big deal.
Oh yeah, If you meet a brunette named Logan, provoke her at your own risk. If she's the same one I know, she will jab a mud hole in your face and then punch it dry.
Thats all I got for now... My back did well today...I feel wonderful...Ninja class was a blast again. Got to use a half staff, Hanbo. Just kind of a preview of whats to come. It was cool though. I wish I could remember all the names of the techniques. It will come, I'll get it.

I got a black band on my belt at the last ninja class. We are going over ways to "stand my ground", balanced and stable, against attack. This martial art was developed centuries ago in Japan to protect family and friends from senseless violence and modernized by Mr Hayes to fit this time in America. This program "emphasizes a sense of self-confidence, an enjoyment of discipline as the key to accomplishment, and an appreciation of the power of respect for all as a means of encouraging the students on to whatever their definition of success."
The very first code of action is, "I protect life and health. I avoid violence whenever possible." It's like one of my teachers, Mr. Merritt, said " I'd rather be a pacifist by choice." That pretty well sums it up for me.
I'm getting close to my silver award also: https://www.presidentschallenge.org/home_adults.aspx
I exercise regularly anyway so why not. It can be a pain to log in all the activities but I think its cool. I sent off for the shirt and medal and all when I got the bronze award.
I got in about 45mins on the new punching bag today. I'm still practicing the drill I had so much trouble with:(eyes on upper chest) Knock down their left jab with my right, throw strait right and left, throw right and left cross(elbows in), cover and bend the knees to protect from their left and right cross, throw right lateral shin kick to their leg/side. I worked on that the whole time today. I'm getting better.

Time

Out of time, always out of time. Ha! I dont get tired anymore though. My time management skills are rusty and its a problem. I should carry a watch. Time and money are curses.
I have a lot to say until I get on here. My back is still getting better. I can do push-ups again but still no sit-ups. A few more days I think.
I got the punching bag and have been practicing, getting better.
Oh man, that jump rope... I despise that thing. I just cant do it. I try and try and try and just cant make any progress. Oh I get so frustrated. I cant figure it out. Burn them all. I'm done with it here. I'll stumble it up at the dojo when they make me do it, but thats it man.
I really like the jiu-jitsu book. The art was developed for small people to be able to protect themselves from bigger, stronger, and more aggressive opponents. The strategy is pretty strait foward; when and where possible, close the space between you and them quick to avoid damage. Clench and go to the ground ending up in a dominate position then go for the submission. It fits in very well with Ninjutsu.
I havent said much about the spiritual side of ninjutsu; there is a lot of it. I'm a Christian and the philosophy of to-shin do ninjutsu helps fill in the blanks for me. I love the people that can "turn the other cheek" but I'm not one of them. However, I vow to defend them.
I'm looking into getting a tattoo. I dont like to wear jewelry, not even a wedding ring. I went here http://www.pandorasboxtat2.com/todd.html today and priced a tattoo of a wedding ring.
I think I may get it this evening. I've always wanted one on my butt that says, "Your Name". Man thats funny to me.
Well, the kids are home so I'm off. Stay well!

Cold Steel

I got a kickin knife today at the Quest center. Its called a Cold Steel Voyager and the blade is wide, thick and heavy. I've collected a few swords and knives over the years and this Voyager is by far the nicest personal blade I've ever had. Although, I doubt I'll carry it much until I learn how to use it.
My Jiu-Jitsu book came in; Theory and Technique by Renzo and Royler Gracie. Mr. Mazi says its a good one and I found out today that he got his black belt from Mr. Royce Gracie. Thats right.
My ninja teachers got their black belts from the founder of To-Shin Do, An-shu Stephen K. Hayes. Guess who Mr. Hayes got his black belt from? The Ninja Grandmaster Masaaki Hatsumi. I am a very lucky boy! They deserve my best.
Training today was fine. I'm still hurt and almost didnt go but I'm glad I did. Just being there around those folks is better than sitting here feeling sorry for myself. I couldnt do very much but I did manage to get out of breath, work up a sweat, test my back a bit. I really need to do more shadow boxing at home. Its embarrassing not to be able to throw a four punch combo without getting confused. Throw a kick in there and I stumble all over myself. I'll get there.
I'm going to get a punching bag, gloves, headgear and stuff this week sometime. I'm a chaperon for my daughters field trip tomorrow, maybe after that.
I skipped the Ninpo instruction last night because I was hurt. I think that was a bad idea. I'm afraid I'll be in the way but I should trust my teachers can find something for me to do. Just watching the techniques and listening to the instruction is good. Anything is better than sitting here watching tv. I'm going tonight. Its a late class so I'll have time to get one of the kids to go over some things with me before I go. Right now, I'm going to practice tying my belt properly. That kinda snuck up on me the last time.
Hope your day is great!

Injured

Training was great again. We went over some more fundamentals; distancing, using the feet/hips to add power, how to duck a punch without turning away, the importance of shadow boxing, not telegraphing punches, and its not a good idea to take my eyes off Mr. Mazi's chest when we are circling each other. Lots of other stuff that we have to keep being reminded when we get tired, chin down, hands up, etc. I'm sure I dont remember everything.
The grappling class was just as good. Although, it seems harder for me to get my head around it all. Thats ok though, I'm smart. I'll get it. I feel so lucky to have such great teachers.
The Ninpo is still very new to me and a bit awkward but I can feel it becoming my own. I need to take some notes. The other students are fun to be around. Mr. Broom taught us a cool move but I never did get all the way through it correctly. I kept forgetting to use my elbows and knees to pin their legs while I transitioned out of their guard. Its important. If I dont control the legs I'll get caught in an arm bar or triangle or whatever else there might be.
I have hurt myself. I have a spot on my back that is bruised or something but MAN is it sore. If I cough its like I knife. An old, bent, rusty, jagged, hot knife. Bummer. I'll just keep on doing what I can until it gets better. I should find a way to take advantage of it somehow.
I know there are other things I want to talk about but I'm off for now.
Thanks for reading.

Happy

I think I'm as happy now as I have ever been. I have worked hard labor most of my grown-up life. I stopped drinking about 7yrs ago, I drank a lot. There was a big hole left when I said goodbye to my friend alcohol and started taking care of the kids full time. Even after all this time I have felt something still missing. I have tried different studies and hobbies but still the void was there. Well, I have discovered, now that I exercise harder than ever before, that is been the back busting, sweat drenching work I have been missing too. I am happy.
My temper is still worse than I like. I can be provoked to outbursts. I've been thinking about some anger counseling. I'm due for a physical and have already mentioned it to my doctor in the past. I'm going to do it.
Yesterday was another good day at the dojo. We went slower today and I got a better chance to "own" some more skills. They dont stick to my brain very well yet but I'm going to keep going, keep going. Get a little better each day. I can do this!

rest day

I will be so glad when my conditioning improves to the point where I'm not so sore. I want to go to the dojo every day. I know there will be days when I cant get there but I want the reason to be something other than my fitness level.
I did watch a training dvd today. I have also cleared a room in my house for training. I have a space of about 9'x18'. I need to get a mat, punching bag, oh man lots of stuff. I want my own dojo away from dojo.
Lately I have heard the phrase "mid-life crisis"... I'll be lucky if I'm only now in the middle of my life and the word crisis: "1 a : the turning point for better or worse in an acute disease or fever" Nobody gets out of this life alive and I know this is a turning point for better so I reckon I'm cool with it.

Great Fun!

I had a great night! Its the most alive I have felt in a very long time. We started off at 5:45pm with 45mins of Cardio-Taijutsu, then moved to 45 of Jutaijutsu Technique and finished with 45 of sparring with 15min rest between classes. I only know a few moves at this point and dont have enough experience to apply those moves at every opportunity. One called the Key-lock is not so hard to look for so I stuck with that, mostly. Even if I tried I couldnt keep up with how many times I got choked, smashed and folded last night. It was intense! Oh I made em work for it. You can believe that. I may not be skilled in technique YET but I know how to keep someone busy and I would bet a couple of them were just as sore and bruised as I was this morning.
What did I do when I got up today? Stretched, ate a PB&J with a glass of milk and pint of water with 6oomg Ibuprofen. Took a shower and headed back to the dojo.
Started at 10am with 45 of kick boxing, sparring included. I got my butt handed to me by a woman. I dont know about my punching power making the difference in a real fight with her but as far as speed and skill, she owned me. She was in my face so bad I found myself looking away. Thats bad bad, so when the instructor, Mr. Mazzi (not sure about spelling) saw me doing that he made a point to pound me pretty good every time I didnt keep my head down and eyes on target when it was his turn to spar with me. He is a great teacher, they all are. It is very important to them that I learn these skills properly. I love that.
Then a 15 rest and 45 of grappling. I cant really explain what its like to wrestle with Mr. Mazzi or Mr. Merritt. You know how you grab something with your hand, they can do that with their whole body. I practiced some transition techniques but toward the end of the class my calf started cramping so I decided to skip the next 45 of Cardio and come on home. I may take tomorrow off...
Right now I'm going to stretch and get the dishes washed before the kids roll in.

White belt

I'm going to get my first belt tonight. Its said the the white belt is the most important because it signifies a new beginning in your life. No doubts, worries or regrets.
All I have to do is recite the student creed to any of the instructors.
"I believe in myself. I am confident I can accomplish my goals.
I believe in what I study. I am disciplined. I am ready to learn and advance.
I believe in what I study. I show respect to all who help me progress."

I know it seems kinda corny but I need more positive affirmations in my life. I need to work on my internal dialogue, encourage myself more. My biggest hope is that this all brings me closer to God.

Its important to me that my instructors are warriors. I've been in a lot of fights in my life, around fifty I reckon. I certainly havent won them all but enough to know the best way for me to win. Sheer force and violence of action goes a long way, even if its poorly directed. I do very well on my feet, even though I lost that last toughman. I am in trouble once my back hits the ground, which is why I'm learning some grappling skills.
My first day there I kind of challenged one of the instructors. Although I had to work within the rules he was my size and I'm normally stronger than folks my weight. I was right, I went at him hard and I was strong enough for him to take me seriously. He gave me a right good thrashing too. I dont know if I could be comfortable learning fighting skills from someone I could beat I couldnt hardly pull my socks up the next day.

still sick

I dont get as sick as I used to. I'm in really good shape for a 40yr old. Not big, 140lbs of muscle though with no injuries or limits at this point. I'm kinda trippin on it. I thought I would have found a weak link in my body by now. I'll just keep pushing it bit by bit and see how far I go. I'm excited about my future in the martial arts. I cant fully explain why I want to maintain a battle ready life. It feels right.
I need to be my own best friend through this. These folks I'm training with are professional and very good at what they teach. http://www.ncquest.com/default.html
Even so:
What kind of friend am I to me?
"You're the one who talks to you, all day, every day. What kind of friend are you? Are you actively creating a toxic environment for yourself, contaminating your experience of the world? Or are the messages that you send yourself characterized by a rational and productive optimism?"
I'm thinking Im going try to open a new space in my mind for it all. A space wide open, without limits and full of bright, warm potential shining down on me all the time, moving me forward, onward. It will be great!

feeling better

Much better today. Just finished a 2hr workout, I can use my legs again!

Sooo sore

Oh man. This is hard. I did get my head around a couple more techni... just got a call from my daughters school. She made a bad choice. I woke up with a runny nose and that head cold kinda feeling. Poor me.

I'm sore

Ninja Fit and Jujitsu has made me very sore today but I learned a cool arm lock. I really want to learn this stuff. I need to start taking notes. I feel overwhelmed and stupid most of the time but I'll get better. I just have to keep going back. An 18 yr old girl made me tap today... I can only get better, I reckon. Just keep going back.